15 posts tagged “bebeyela”

I rarely have time to post these days... so much of my time is wrapped up in a smallish sweet smelling, cuddly turtle.    Then when I do get on here, all I seem to do is talk about her, and I'm sure some of my readers are BORED by that.
Tough.
J.K. (only slightly)
I'm trying to find the balance of where she ends and I start again.  People keep asking if I'm writing or painting, or sculpting. The only writing I have done is the logs in her baby book. I have been painting... I have finished a series of paintings for nurseries that are for sale. Yey. But no real words on paper, of the literary type.
    I'm just absolutely engulfed by her. I think I will get up in the middle of the night, while she is asleep and write, but I can't tear myself away from the precious creature that lays beside me, I still wake up at night and stare at her, in wonderment, amazement and joy.   She nuzzles into me and she fits as perfectly outside me as she did when she was inside. 
i have two dear friends who are expecting soon. One is due this month and the other, next.  It will be exciting to see it all from the other side.  We've been all a chatter about the journey. It's been fun to watch others go through such an amazing wonderful time.
I must go now.

Maybe next time it will be about something not relating to my offspring.

I'm tired.

Today I left the house without baby girl, she was trying to take the bottle again.

I was a wreck. It's hard to be away from her, since she was born, we've seemingly been sewn to each other. She is a part of me, and when she isn't with me, I feel odd. 

 The good news is, she took the bottle and ate  well.!!!!!  I think it was the nipple. Being a new mom, i had no clue that there are certain nipples that babies won't like. So, I changed the nipple and voila! I think things will go smoother now.

yey.

 It's hard to be a breastfeeding mom and then have to surrender her to someone else to be fed. I know it is probably a natural part of her growth, but geez.... when you are that connected with a being.. it's hard to have that change.

 So, is anyone guessing how much she weighs now??????

 11. 2!!!!!

 The dr is excited over her rate of growth. As am I.

I was a bit worried, as we had a bit of a hellish weekend here.. I won't even go into the details... but she wasn't eating.

That scared the daylights out of me... she NEVER misses a meal!!!! She is a chowhound... so when she wasn't eating.. I was beside myself.

Things are better.

whew.

She is sleeping now, and I should be working.... I know i say that everytime I post.  It's hard though, because when I'm not with her, all I do is think of her, when I should be doing the things I can't get done when I have her in my arms.

I'm really exhusted.  I now understand why mothers are continually sleep deprived. It's a cycle that starts when they are born and continues.  

I don't lose sleep because of her being up.. she, like her parents, LOVES her sleep. She has always been a good sleeper... going for 5 hours at a time... once she even went for seven... but  usually it is five. 

After I feed her, I often find myself awake at 2 or 3, in the morning; she will be next to me, snoozing away and I'm wide awake. Thinking of her, worrying about certain things... thinking i should get up and do some work, but then wanting to snuggle down next to her tiny, adorable babyness, and cover her with kisses.  (She is so very kissable you know.) I want to get up and start projects I have been wanting to since she was born... but i never do. I try to go back to sleep because she is so small and adorable.... and I need the sleep.  I am then left with thoughts of when will I ever get back to work? when will i ever get any writing done again? Will I?  Or will this be the end of my writing career, until she is grown and off to college?

My writing seems so very small and insignificant in the face of the child I bore... but there are mornings, when the night is just slowly turning into day... that I miss being wrapped up in my writing.

Life continues, now more than ever, to be a balancing act.  

Hard to belive baby girl is going to be two months old. ( In ten days.) Life continues to be amazing as I spend time with this beautiful being.

There are some fabulous things around the bend for hubby and I, nothing concrete right now, but by the third week of nov, things will be more set.  New adventures to be had, and I'm really excited.

The new book is out! I can't believe it, (it has only been 4 or 5 years in the making, due to publishing glitches, funding and editors getting sick.) It's really amazing.. they sent us the gally, and it was really powerful just like that. But to see it in print now, is mind blowing.  I'm in the company of  some amazing writers!  I'm honored to be too!  It has been a long time coming, but it is going to make a difference in a lot of people's lives.   Which is what I think writing is supposed to do.

Baby girl is alseep right now, and I should be working.... but I'm not. I need to eat something... I've dropped so much weight from breastfeeding, I'm looking gaunt and emaciated. I had no clue how much breastfeeding would take out of me. Then many days I don't really get to eat until hubby gets home... I'm so busy taking care of Cunksi. It's funny because someone said to me: baby's gaining weight and getting bigger, but you are getting smaller.  I am just glad she is growing so well. That is all that matters ultimately. And it's nice to see that what I am doing for her is making a difference. Good food and lots of love, that is what makes babies grow!

OH!

Happy Holloween! If you come to my house to trick or treat.. you will see baby girl in her cute little costume. I was going to go out trk or trting wiht my sis and her kids... our annual thing.. but it's too cold for a baby girl!  So, we'll stay home and give out the yummies!

Have fun and get lots of treats!!!!

Baby girl turned three weeks old today.
she is growing so fast! Everyday she changes. the nurse came by to see her on friday.... she is 8 and 1/2 pounds!!!! I'm so proud of her!!!!!
And she is getting so long!!! I can't believe she has only been on this earth for three short weeks.
I still want to stare at her all the time... but I've gotten better about getting down to the business of sleeping when she does. Those first VERY sleep deprived days really taught me a lesson.
I'm so overwhelmed by the awesomeness, beauty and power of her.
Life is perfect.
I blew off my deadline. (Shame on me) I didn't send anything to the publisher. There were just too many other things to do. well, not things... taking care of my daughter. That is what I've done, in lieu of writing my essay. There are tons of things I need/want to work on, manuscipts and such..... but it all seems so UNIMPORTANT right now.... in the shadow of my daughter. I will get back to writing... someday. I'm not going to rush it. Right now, this girl is little once...and I don't want to miss anything.
Her arrival was long coming. I am going to savor every minute of it.

Wow, I've been swept away by motherhood.

It's wonderful.

And trying.

And tiring.

But so worth it.

Baby girl has grown and continues to grow so well. She is already a pound heavier than she was at birth, and an inch longer. And she is only two and half weeks old!!  The power of breast  milk!!!!  

I'm so proud of her!!!!

Our pediatrician is really happy with her progress and loves her to death.. which is so fab. I really like him. He is personable and great with her and understanding of how nervous and freaked out new parents can be. He is kind hearted and appreciates our daughter like we do. I wanted my pediatrician to be similiar or have much of the same values and views as T. Berry Brazelton....(my hero) and he does. woo hoo!!!

There is so much to say, about the whole birth exprience.. and what has happened since then.

Ate' went back to work this past monday... he was a bit glad to get back.  Nights were pretty long around here for those two weeks.

She is such a fabulous being.. so well tempered. She's not a constant screamer... despite the fact that she has had tummy troubles.. she will scream sometimes, but not continuously.  She calms herself fairly well and is such a happy baby. her little face changes everyday... she is growing so fast. I have to take pics every day.. she changes overnight.

I am sleeping more and sleeping when she sleeps... which is all the time. But, most days it is really hard because when i have gotten done nursing her, and I lay her down next to me.... all I want to do is stare at that beautiful face... that little face that we created... the perfect little being.  She is just so perfect. I can't get over it. She's a snuggler, which is nice. Not suprising, but nice.

I do nothing but nurse her and carry her around all day. Which isn't conducive to getting anything else done. She's a momma's girl, which is nice.. and normal.. and not something I will complain about. i will learn to get over the urge to clean my increasingly messy house and just let things be as they are.  The time I have with her now... will never happen again.. she will only be at these stages once.  And she is changing so fast. I dont' want to miss anything.  

I am able to write this now because Ate' is watching little miss and I have some alone time... time I should be using to get an essay done that is due at the publishers in two days.

But I have baby brain and it is too soft to form much coherent thoughts.

I had to send pics to the relatives and such other important people in her life.. so that took up some time.

Now Im ready to go hold my daughter again...

     well, maybe I'll take a shower first.

Ok, I will post more later. Promise. It may be a few days... but I will get it done.

be well, Miye

Sorry for the absence... but I became a mother.

On Sept 9, 2007, at 2:26 p.m, R and I welcomed little Miss A  who was 6# 9 oz and was 19 and 3/4 inches long. (her name is purposly withheld)

She is the most gorgeous thing I have ever laid eyes on.

My labor lasted 5 1/2 hours,was drug-free and easy. I pushed her out in 20 minutes.

more details to follow.....when i have time.   

Right now all I want to do is hold her and stare at her.

My life is complete.  I never need anything else for myself again. 

Well baby is busy growing.... and kicking.... and having a grand time.  I am getting to the point though, where I wish she'd start thinking about putting that pelvic hat on, and preparing herself for birth.  I am hoping she will, the closer things get.... though I'm not sure how close she'd like to cut it, as we are less than three weeks away from her "due date". Perhaps she has inhertied her Ate' and my sense of procrastination.

she is so very active, which of course, makes me happy. Kicking up a storm. Flipping around and pushing my ribs out to thier maxium length, that hurts.  My ribs have become flared in the last few weeks and now my sternum is starting to seperate, that is a bit painful... about as painful as when my hips started to seperate. But, I'm not complaining... just perhaps whimpering a bit. LOL. It's hard to believe that about two weeks ago, i was all, "oh, i could stay pregnant forever..." and now reality and full on pregnancy has set in, and I am anxious for her to get here, as my body is feeling pregnant.  I'm sure bodies have to do this, or women could be pregnant forever. All intellegent things, our bodies are such amazing pieces of work.

I have done a lot of sleeping and general resting this week. It hit me hard, and I'm having to rest much more now than I have throughout my whole pregnancy.  I don't mind... I'm ready for it. LOL! I am not going through life at ninety miles an hour any more... more like a slowish turtle.  Again.. gotta be a turtle to have a turtle!!! :)

  For those of you who attended the shower.. your thank you's are in the mail.. so you should be  recieving them within a day or two. I thank you for coming.. it was a pleasant wonderful evening.

  Today I worked on getting more of baby's clothes organized and more of my hospital bag packed.... a bit here, a bit there. LOL. I'm really just finding things to do until she comes. It keeps me busy and the excitement in check.

   My friend who was visiting me from back home left today, it was great having her here... and I'm finding my solitary groove again. I've had lots of vistors lately... both people from around town as well as ones from back home, that has been nice. Sort of preperation for after baby gets here.

  Nesting kicked in big time today... but I can't do too much as I get tired so fast... so trying not to get too frustratd where that is concerned.

Life is good.

No, life is perfect. I have everything I could ever want. A best friend who is also my hubby, and a gorgeous daughter, both of whom I love more than anyone else in the universe.     

One of the things I've always loved about summer, was all the gatherings. It is the time for wacipi's and sun dances, and swimming in the creek, and traveling all over the state to go to celebrations. It's what makes home, home.  You can't go anywhwere else in the U.S and get that same feeling. It's almost a collective energy that flows through the rezs'.  It's summer, so that internally means, time for traveling to wacipi's, and all the other things that go on exclusivly during the summer months.  The greatest thing about wacipi's is seeing people that often times, you only see during wacipi season. You meet new people and become really great friends because you both dance, and see each other at all the gatherings.  I love dancing, and the other aspects of wacipi's. It isn't just the dancing, or just the food, or just the socialization, it's everything combined. it's the people, and the regailia, and the drums, the singers voices, the feeling of, however brief, unity.  It's the whole expierience. There is so much going on there. It's the perfect place for people  watching.

   I haven't gotten to go to any wacipi's this year, save the vermillion one, but laugh... like that one counts. Anyway, with the exception of the last two years, from the time I got back here, my feet have been on that pow wow trial all summer. I love it, it one of the best expeiriences you can have. Because of all the stuff that goes on.  But, since I've been pregnant, i haven't been able to go, since we live here in Verm town and it is more travel than I'm allowed. I've kept myself pretty busy, and happy, but there are times when I really miss it.

    I miss those HOT sweltering days when you are in the arena just sweating your unze off, but loving every minute of it, because while you are hot and maybe want to stop, the drummers are incredible, thier voice and the drums move right through you, and they just keep playing songs your feet gotta move to.  Because for all the sweat you pour while the sun is up, you get  to have the evening grand entry as the sun is setting and casting shadows across the arbor, in that soft evening light. Then you get to feel the cool wind when the moon rises and you feel like you could dance all night, and sometimes do. when you go to bed, those drums and voices resonate in your ears and sometimes, your dreams. Sometimes, my feet move in my sleep, dancing to drums only I can hear.

I haven't danced for the last two years, because of all the deaths in my family. By the time I'd lost my babies, I wasn't sure I ever would again.   But I know now, that I will. I can never give it up.  And the great thing is, next year, when it is time for wacipi, I will be back on that trail, and cunksi will be with me. The circle continues. I wonder if she will love it as much as I do, if it will be as ingrained in her, as it is in me.  Another cool thing is, before hubby was with me, he never went to wacipi's.  After we got together, that is all he did. everyweekend, we traveled somewhere for one. He supported me fullly when I was crowned Miss Indian Day, and he traveled with me.  He never complained, or stayed home. He didn't dance, but he was there to support me. Even when he was in PT school and crazy inundated with homework, he traveled all over with me. I am such a lucky woman to have him as my partner. A blessing I thank my tunkasila every day, many times a day for.

The best wacipi of the year is coming up, and I will miss it, becasue I will be too close to my due date.  While it is all worth it, I still have feelings of missing what I know so well. The feeling will pass and will be/is, replaced with the joy of knowing that next year, when wacipi season starts... we will be back there, this time as a family of three.

LOL!

New belly pics are up. I really like them. Enjoy!

Yes, I am really starting to feel pregnant now. Overall, I have had a really easy, pleasant pregnancy. But time marches quickly toward my due date and with it, the typical pregnancy things.  I have not suffered from things that most pregnant women say they have, like having to go to the bathroom all the time, or my back hurting a lot or things like that.  I guess it is time now. 

    I was really tired yesterday, so I went to bed at about 9, I was almost asleep when all of a sudden I couldn't breathe, which freaked me out. Poor hubby was fast asleep, and I grabbed him, in that panicked way, because I  couldn't get myself pushed into an upright postion, which seemed to only further my panic. (It was sort of like a turtle being stuck on it's back.) I know realistically, this is a part of pregnancy, but it still freaked me out.  I think it is the human condition to be a bit disconcerted when one can't get enough air into thier lungs. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have asthma. For those of you who do, I give you my sympathy. Anyway, so hubby helped me get up and I was able to catch my breath, but then my back locked up and that hurt. Hubby was a saint, he got up with me and gave me a back massage, he is soo awesome. It is going to be so nice to have him in the delivery room with me.  :)  If everyone had a physical therapist for a hubby, (or even just in the delivery room with them.) there would be a lot more happier pregnant women out there! I think that is part of the reason why I've had such a great pregnancy, because he told me what to do to keep my body in line and such.   After I could breathe again and hubby rubbed my back, I couldn't go back to sleep.  So I got up and did some work on this new writing thing I'm working on. I wasn't able to go back to sleep until about 2, but once I did, I woke up about every hour to go to the bathroom.... not real fun. Getting myself up and out of bed, is not an easy task anymore.  Hubby has to push me up. LOL It's kind of funny! So, that is the prego update.    :)